When all you hear from him are words you want to hear, his love is not for real.
just a random thought. kasi lahat nalang pag me tinanong ako sa boyfriend ko na something sweet, hindi ko gaano gusto sagot, epal =)))) but then i realized, it’s fine. coz when all he will tell me are exactly words i want to hear, i’ll be happy but that would mean that he’s just a sweet talker, he’s not for real.
Yea. I don’t like studying. I’ve never liked studying. But I can cope with almost everything, except for biology. Since high school, it’s been giving me headaches and somehow troubles. And guess what? HERE IT GOES AGAIN. :|
Has been in my drafts for quite a while. So, I'll just publish it. =))))
I felt the urge to write. I really wanted to write, but I have nothing in particular to write about. So, this is going to be nonsense and random. :))
Firstly, I want to share about my dream. My ideal future has been kinda flashing in my mind for the past few weeks. And it’s only then that I realized how much I want to be a teacher. But then again, I’m taking up accountancy right now, I think I have to focus there. I’m a second-year student now. I know I entered this course with nothing in my mind about what the hell accounting is.. but it’s different now. As time passed by, especially right now, I learned to love accounting. The challenge, the very long process I have to go through to get a single answer, the conflicts between transactions, the confusion between recording something as a debit or as a credit, the always-make-sure-assets-are-equal-to-liabilities-and-equity rule, the one-mistake-makes-everything-wrong kind of stuff, the stupid mistakes of inputting a wrong digit in the calculator and making me insane trying to think about where I got it wrong, the analysis whether an entry is considered as a transaction or not, and just everything. I mean, I don’t understand everything. A lot of problems make my head spin. There was even one time that I spent almost an hour trying to answer one question, and it is a multiple choice type of question. Yes, it drives me crazy. But maybe I just like working hard for some things. Maybe I just like using all my brain to find something. Because you know, accounting is hard. Very hard. But at the end, when you get a “balanced’ balance sheet, when you have allocated profits, salaries, bonuses, and interests appropriately, when you have solved a single problem, made journal entries, ledgers, trial balances, adjusted trial balances, closing entries, income statements, statement of changes in owner’s equity, statement of financial position, post-closing entries, and reversing entries.. EUPHORIA IS TO FOLLOW. As if nothing can amount to the happiness it gives me. As if I feel so much like an accomplished person. It makes me happy. At the same time, when someone asks me to explain the long process went through, or when someone asks me to impart my knowledge about accounting, it makes me as glad. So maybe I’ve made up my mind. I WILL BE AN ACCOUNTING PROFESSOR! Yes, I will be. Academe is also a scope of practice of CPAs, that’s why I’ll work hard for that. I want to be able to look back to this post about 4 or 5 years from now and be able to smile and be proud for accomplishing this.
Secondly, my thoughts about my boyfriend and I. Right now, we’re happy. I just don’t know until when. During the past couple of months, we were very happy. We got very familiar with each other to the point that I told myself, ‘He is really the one I wanna spend my everytime with. I want him in my future, and what’s great is that he likes me in his, too.” We talked everything out, fixed all that has to be, and deep in my heart, I was very certain that he loves me more than I could ever imagine. UNTIL, there was this thing that happened. From a little misunderstanding, it grew bigger and bigger because of his stupid pride. It hurt me the most because he made me experience being in a perfect state, then suddenly left me and just apologized for giving up. WTH? Of course, I was mad. I wanted to let him just go after all the pain he gave me. But then again, I love him just so much that I almost went on my knees to make him stay. And he did. Afterwards, he got a little better. But there’s this fear in me that always stops me when we’re getting very happy again. In my thoughts it’s like, “Until when? What if we get into a little fight again? I don’t even have a guarantee that he really will stay. What if after this day, he leaves me again? Why is that so easy for him? Where am I really in his heart?” I’m so scared. He is the only significant one in my life right now. I mean, my best friend left, and most of my other close friends are very busy with their college lives. Everything that happens to me, I want it all being expressed, but I’ve got no one but him. So whenever we got problems, I kinda tend to keep it to myself. Somehow I have friends I can share my problems with but I get kinda shy because they might get tired of all my drama. Besides, everyone’s advice, from my high school friends to my college friends, is the same. LEAVE HIM. And I will always tell them, “Not now. Not when I still have something to give. I can still understand him and consider everything. Maybe someday I will, but I want my heart to retire by itself.” Never happens. I never get tired of loving him. ( But I tell him I do :P ) No matter what he does, even his stupid lies and those vices, I can forgive him just so he never leaves. But actually, I’m more confused that I seem. That’s because he’s more complicated than what you can think of. It’s like, I have only one boyfriend, but I have to “makisama” with a lot of different guys. I don’t know if I made myself clear, but it’s just that one day he’s like the sweetest boyfriend ever, the next moment he doesn’t care anymore, then next he comes apologizing, but in other times he would never say sorry. It’s… i don’t know… crazy. We’ve got a long way to go if we want to really fix everything and everything will just complicate as we go on. But one thing’s for sure, I love him and I will always fight for our relationship. :) Sayang naman ung award na binigay saken ni ate Ally na “Most Best Ideal Super Duper To the Maximum Girlfriend” kung susuko lang din ako. =))))
Integrating them, maybe my boyfriend is like accounting. It makes everything hard. Makes everything complicated. Makes me want to give up, lose hope and just quit. But I never do. Because even if I have to get my brain out just to give a solution to each problem, I will. At the end, I know it will make me feel very happy and accomplished because it’s what I want. Well, maybe being a sole proprietor is a great choice because you are free to do anything and everything that you may want, but partnership is still better. It is very easy at the beginning, but when you progress, you’ll see the challenge. What’s great is that you have someone with you, your partner, to go through whatever there is. You get to share both the profits and the losses. And sometimes there are bonuses to be allocated to you if you do great. I would really prefer a partnership than sole proprietorship. But corporation? Ibang usapan na ‘yun! haha. mahirap na pag maraming stockholders ee. =))))